Here I am, a little girl trapped in a grown up world. Sometimes I need a time to remembrance my true feelings. The other side of me whom often being forgotten. Perhaps, I'm just going take this chance to say all of my lame complaining.
This year of 2019 is a lil bit hard. In the beginning, I was cope with my broken hearted from the last 2018. It shaped my mind to become so ambitious about meeting the one. The truth, I didn't even realise that me myself is not fully healing, yet.
Then my mom got hospitalised for almost a month. The first time I feel so scared, it does changed everything in our lives, for my whole family. I asked God, why.. why.. why did it happen to me? What did I do at the past? For Him gave me this kind of situations.
My priority, my plans, everything got to change for my mom. The situations are not the same anymore. I wanted to blame on something, but there's nothing to blame. It wouldn't change a thing either.
Since that, I can't casually going here and there like I was back then. I spend more of my free time in the house, standing there by my mom's side. Whenever I'm in a trip, I just hold to myself for not going too long. For just going back home as soon as my trip is done.
I do live from day to day, from a pay-check to another. And it goes on and on. Until suddenly its lead us to this very last day of 2019. And I feel like I'm the same as the last year.
This year.. has taught so many lessons. Yet, I didn't think that I'm a better person. Everytime I spell the magic chant, "Live is not a competition.. live is not a competition..," the truth is I just not ready for the next decade.